Sunday, February 8, 2015

Where I've Been

I am thinking I may dust off the ol' blog.
In case you have wondered where I have been-- you can check out my posts over at Knoxville Moms Blog. My latest one is about my journey to get and stay healthy:

Finding your Motivation

Thank you to everyone who still follows! Come find me on Instagram!

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Monday, April 28, 2014


I have noticed my faith as well as my relationship with God slipping lately. With all that comes with taking care of a newborn, I have allowed other aspects of my life to suffer- including my spiritual life. Of course, God always knows when I need to be knocked back into shape!

I had an amazing "God moment" this weekend. My husband has been trying to get into the CRNA (Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetist) program for two years now. This year was his third attempt. He had his interview last week and was told that he would find out either Friday of last week or Monday of this week. Well, Friday rolled around and several people he works with received a call and he did not. Needless to say, wee were both more than upset.

This is something that he has always known he wanted to do. Our lives have been in limbo the past two years just waiting around. We had always just thought that our lives would really settle down after he got through school. We didn't want to buy a house until he got through school. We didn't want to start a family until he got through school. Well, after he wasn't accepted last year we decided to go ahead and try to get pregnant. We knew that having a baby wasn't something we wanted to put on hold any longer in case he had to try several more years to get into school. So our new plan was to have a baby, then Adam would get into school this time and we would settle down and try for baby number 2 after he was done with school.

When he didn't receive a call on Friday we were heartbroken. Since other people were called on Friday we just assumed that they had called everyone and that Adam had not been accepted again. I was talking to my mom over the weekend telling her about everything that was going on and she reminded me about the power of faith. I began praying this weekend not only for the school situation but also for a renewed spiritual strength. I was so depressed and felt hopeless on Friday. By Sunday (after a couple of days of prayer) I began to feel much better. I felt a sense of relief and faith that God was in control.

Well, Adam got the call today... actually I got the call. For some reason the lady that called had my cell phone number and so I was actually the first to find out. It was one of those moments where you feel like God is winking at you saying, "see what I am capable of if you just have faith?" The fact that the call came to me first felt like a confirmation of the soul searching I had done over the weekend. It was an amazing feeling.

Luke 18:1-8:

Jesus told them a story showing that it was necessary for them to pray consistently and never quit. He said, “There was once a judge in some city who never gave God a thought and cared nothing for people. A widow in that city kept after him: ‘My rights are being violated. Protect me!’

“He never gave her the time of day. But after this went on and on he said to himself, ‘I care nothing what God thinks, even less what people think. But because this widow won’t quit badgering me, I’d better do something and see that she gets justice—otherwise I’m going to end up beaten black-and-blue by her pounding.’”

Then the Master said, “Do you hear what that judge, corrupt as he is, is saying? So what makes you think God won’t step in and work justice for his chosen people, who continue to cry out for help? Won’t he stick up for them? I assure you, he will. He will not drag his feet. But how much of that kind of persistent faith will the Son of Man find on the earth when he returns?”

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Monday, March 3, 2014

Jake's Birth Story

Jake's birth story... I have been excited to write this post since he was born. As my pregnancy started winding down my Google search bar was flooded with "what do contractions feel like," "ways to naturally induce labor," "difference between Braxton Hicks and real contractions," among other questions. Since this was my first pregnancy I felt really lost and anxious. I do not have many friends who have had babies recently so I didn't have too many people to help me answer these questions. So, I am excited that I can now give my anecdotal answers!

I had a regular weekly doctor's appointment on Wednesday, February 12th- I was 40 weeks. My doctor asked me if I wanted her to strip my membranes but I decided not to let her because we were expecting a big snow storm that day and the next. She said she wanted to go ahead and schedule my induction appointment for 41 weeks since Jake was measuring so big. So, we scheduled the induction for the next Wednesday which would give me a week to try and go into labor naturally. I decided to give it two more days and then have her strip my membranes on Friday, February 14th. So, I went to work that morning and then went to the appointment at 1:00pm. A lot of people say that having your membranes stripped is really painful. I didn't really think it was. It just felt like a more intense version of her checking my cervix. I cramped and bled right after she did it but that went away really quickly. I didn't have any signs of labor for the rest of the day. No cramps, no Braxton Hicks-- nada! My doctor was really confident that stripping my membranes would work for me because I was already dilated 5 centimeters (I walked around at 5 cm for a week and a half!). So Saturday (2/15/14) morning my husband and I slept in and then went to Cracker Barrel for breakfast. We came home, took the dogs on a walk, then sat down to finish a movie.

At 1:30pm I had my first contraction. When people say "you will know" they mean it. I knew. It felt like the most intense shit cramp I had ever had (sorry if that is TMI) but I could never get a good explanation of what they felt like! It came on super strong. There was no "building up" or "mild" contractions. After I had a second one I decided I needed to time them. For about an hour they were coming about 15-20 minutes apart so I decided to quickly shower and get my stuff ready to head to the hospital. Well, as soon as I got out of the shower they suddenly dropped to being about 4-5 minutes apart. I was freaking out at this point. I was in so much pain and I couldn't get all of my stuff together because the contractions were coming so fast. I was worried I wouldn't make it to the hospital in time for my pain medication! I told Adam to go ahead and call our parents. They all live 4 hours away and I wanted to make sure they had time to get here. Well come to find out both of our parents were already secretly in town! My parents had been here for a WEEK and Adam's had come up Friday. They were so terrified of missing the birth but it all worked out because they probably would have missed it had they not already been here.

I tried to wait until the end of a contraction to call the doctor but while I was on the phone leaving her a message another contraction started and I just had to hang up in the middle of it. She called right back and Adam answered. The doctor said she could tell by my message that we needed to hurry! So, we left for the hospital around 3:45pm. The car ride was excruciating. The walk into the hospital was excruciating. I couldn't even talk. I didn't have any rest between contractions because my back pain was so intense. Once I got to triage I had to fill out a million forms before they finally got me into a triage room to check me. In their defense they were trying to hurry as much as they could so I could get some pain medication quickly. The doc checked me and I was 6cm and 90% effaced. That was at about 4:30pm.

They got me to my room and the anesthesiologist came in. The doctor on call that night was one of Adam's golfing buddies (Adam is a nurse at the hospital where I delivered) and he came in and gave me the speech about "if I wasn't comfortable with him doing it he could call another doctor blah blah" and I am pretty sure I screamed "it's fine just do it!!" I didn't even feel the numbing shot or the epidural. After he was done I knew something wasn't right. Every time I had a contraction I could still feel it on the left side of my body. The doctor came back in and tried repositioning it-- still didn't work. So, he decided to just take it out and redo it. He explained that sometimes it just does that and that I might go through the rest of labor being able to feel it on my left side. Of course that freaked me out. Once he got it back in he cranked up the levels and I could finally feel the tingling sensation going down my left side-- it was working! I ended up still having a "hot spot" on my back where I could feel the contractions coming on. It was painful but nothing like it was before. It also helped me push more effectively because I could feel the contractions building up.

After the epidural worked it was selfie time :)

 At 6:30pm (2 hours after arriving) I was 10cm and 100% effaced! The doctor said they had just had a birth and needed to "recoup" and they would be back in soon for me to start pushing! I think they all just needed a dinner break but that was fine with me. It gave me a couple of hours to recollect my thoughts and I was able to text some friends and coworkers to let them know I was in labor. At around 8:20pm the nurse came in and said we were ready to push! I allowed my mom, mother-in-law, and sister to be in the delivery room with Adam and me. A lot of people thought I was crazy for letting so many people be in there but I am actually really thankful they were all able to share the experience with me! I pushed for about 2 hours and 40 minutes. The pushing didn't hurt too bad until Jake started to crown. Then it really hurt. My nurse said that the epidural doesn't usually cover the pain of him actually coming out. What?! Well, there wasn't any going back by that point! Ha! Jake made his entrance at 11:07pm on 2/15/14.

As soon as Jake came out I knew something was wrong. He wasn't crying and he was a deep purple color. He was making little grunting sounds. The nurse put him on my chest and tried to rough him up a little to see if he would cry. When he wouldn't they whisked him away and the neonatologist and NICU nurses began working on him. His lungs were filled with amniotic fluid so they had to suction him and take him on to the NICU. I was so terrified. I was filled with so many emotions and then for my baby to be taken away was just devastating. I was upset that I wasn't able to have my ideal post-birth situation where I did skin-to-skin and nursed him immediately. I definitely think that not being able to do those things impacted our bonding and breastfeeding experience but I was just so thankful that they were able to stabilize him so quickly and I knew that once he was discharged I would be able to get all the cuddles I wanted!

He ended up staying in the NICU from Saturday night through Tuesday. He had to be put on antibiotics and have his breathing monitored. The hospital could only keep me until Monday but thankfully there was an open room in the NICU so we got to room in with Jake Monday night and then he was discharged on Tuesday. They fed him formula in the NICU which made my breastfeeding attempts really difficult... but I plan on posting about our breastfeeding journey soon!

Jake is doing great now and the pediatrician says he is very healthy! He was up to 9lbs 1 oz. at our last doctors appointment about a week ago. While I wish I had been able to have my ideal post-birth experience and bonding time with Jake I am thankful that it wasn't a more serious situation. 

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